How do you deal with a family member who has Alzheimer's? With lots of support! And one of the best ways to support children is with children's books, as I realized during a recent experience.
Luckily, when my mother was in the beginning phases of Alzheimer's, I stumbled into the office of Kate Barrett, a licensed clinical social worker with the Orange County Department on Aging. In May, the department offered a program in partnership with Jewish Family Services and UNC's Memory Clinic and School of Social Work. They gave a slew of resources and showed three of HBO's The Alzheimer's Project films, each followed by discussion panels.
But no one talked about children's books. Children's books about Alzheimer’s fall into the didactic category I generally disdain. But these books open difficult conversations and support children with role models and opportunities to voice feelings. I'd advise scanning these books to make sure they match your child's experiences and emotional readiness. Always follow your family read-alouds with discussions.
The earliest Alzheimer's books are positive and warm. Comfort is crucial for a child confused by this strange situation. Four books listed below offer a range of experiences, each provides solid support for young listeners.
“Still My Grandma” by Veronique van den Abeele (Eerdmans, 2007)
Young Camille, who has a special relationship with her grandmother, begins to notice strange memory lapses. Camille's parents tell her “She won't get better. You have to love Grandma the way she is.” And Camille does, even when her grandmother moves to a “big house with lots of grandmas and grandpas like her.” Illustrations help prepare children for nursing homes and the characters' actions suggest ways to aid transitions to institutional living.
“Little Mama Forgets” by Robin Cruise (FSG, 2006)
Vibrant llustrations and a tender text show Lucy and her Hispanic family warmly dealing with the forgetfulness of her grandmother, Little Mama. Little Mama may forget that bread is toasting, but she remembers to tickle Lucy and pour lots of cream on her rice pudding. The book's positive, reassuring approach balances memory losses with the continuous family love.
“Remember, Grandma?” by Laura Langston (Viking, 2004)
“My grandma lives with us now because she can't remember. She's not the wrinkled kind; she's the special kind instead.” So begins young Margaret's tribute to her adored grandmother. Margaret crawls into her grandmother's lap and proclaims: “I am your remembering.” Margaret's dedicated actions echo her words as she anchors her grandmother with sensory details and keeps her happy when the older woman begins to fail.
“My Little Grandmother Often Forgets” by Reeve Lindbergh Often Forgets (Candlewick, 2007)
This rhyming story features Tom who is carefully caring for his grandmother. The sadness of the situation and her need to move in with her family is lessened by her grandson's love for her. This book's details ring true for they are based on the author's experience of caring for her poet mother, Anne Morrow Lindbergh. Bright illustrations, the warmth of family love and Reeve's inherited lyrical gifts help tell the story.
Books for older children often introduce more sensitive issues. They also give specific information for a child who wants a deeper understanding of what is going on. These books require longer listening spans and can open up more in-depth discussions. Again, examine these books for experiences that fit your situation.
“Singing with Momma Lou” by Linda Jacobs Altman (Lee and Low, 2002)
Nine-year-old Tamika hates visiting her grandmother in a nursing home. These visits only make her remember how she's lost her best friend. When the young African-American heroine finds her grandmother's scrapbook, she shares pictures and songs, and, by the book's end, Tamika feels as if she's again grown close to her grandmother. Before her grandmother's death, she's built a new set of positive memories.
“Faraway Grandpa” by Roberta Karim (Holt, 2004)
This story is set nearly 100 years ago and gives us a look at how the feelings around Alzheimer's are similar no matter what the era. Kathleen adores summer visits with her beloved Grandpa Danny. He is full of trickery, teasing and Irish song. But one year he forgets that her family is coming and soon Kathleen's family realizes he needs to live with them. Kathleen, first horrified, finds a way to connect through their shared memories and love of song.
“A Young Man's Dance” by Laurie Knowlton (Boyds Mills, 2005)
The young narrator starts with a brief memory that shows us Grandma Ronnie's vibrancy, her love of dancing, and teasing. All too quickly, we are transported to a smelly nursing home where she doesn't recognize the boy and holds a “wadded-up blanket, calling it by my mother's name.” The young boy sees no purpose in coming to visit someone who won't remember, but his mother insists. His mother's reminders of his former relationship with his grandmother give the boy courage to dance with her again. Illustrations, feelings, and the boy's response are believable and create an opportunity for children to voice negative feelings.
“The Graduation of Jake Moon” by Barbara Parks (Atheneum, 2000) The well-known author of Junie B. Jones books writes a novel about eighth-grader Jake Moon, who has always had a strong relationship with his loving Grandfather Skelly. That and the man's bizarre behavior make it so that Jake can't deal with the changes Alzheimer's imposes. In this short novel, you'll find a perfect balance of poignant events and Park's signature humor.
“What's Happening to Grandpa?” by Maria Shriver (Little Brown, 2004) Kate struggles with trying to understand her grandfather's changes as a result of Alzheimer's. Conversations between Kate and her mother voice realistic questions and present simple, satisfying explanations. Sometimes these questions are put into large fonts so they're easy to relocate, turning the book into a handy reference. To heal her sad feelings, Kate puts together a photo album to help her grandfather remember. The suggestion of taking a positive action may be just right for some sorrowing children.