One of the most important issues in raising emotionally-healthy children is allowing them to view sound ways of relating to the world. Many children's books describe relationships in general. Others tell about relationships that children have with people of all ages, with animals and with each other. Included in these books are all kinds of patterns of people experience, issues that come in in friendship, and types of characters that they would like to befriend or be befriended by.
There are many children's books that define friendship by their very being. James Marshall has written a wide variety of books about people (or animals who represent people) who care about each other. His George and Martha series grows and grows and so does the closeness between the two hippos. Each book is organized in a short chapter format. In each is implicit a philosophy of relationship. The importance of honesty, privacy, reliability, constancy, are just a few of the premises for stories. The wonderful thing about George and Martha is that they teach through their warm, funny, foolish, loving relationship and we never her Mr. Marshall's voice lecturing. Friendship is an important theme in his work. (Houghton Mifflin, books range in price from $3.95 to $13.95)
James Marshall has other series about friends: Eugene, the turtle and his glutonus friend, Emily, the pig from Yummers (Houghton Mifflin$11.95, $3.95) and Yummers, Too (Houghton Mifflin,$12.95); Buddy, the young boy who hosts an alien friend in theSpacecase series (Dial, $4.95, $12.95) and Fox from the series of the same name, an apparent egoist who is quite tender underneath his bragging.(Dial, books range in price from $3.95 to $9.95) Ages 3-8.
Two of the most famous friends in children's literature are Arnold Lobel's Frog and Toad. The four-book series chronicles their mutual support, compassion, arguments and resolutions creating a body of work that defines intimacy. Lobel's illustrations add to the warmth of his story. (Harper and Row, books range in price from $3.50 to $10.95)
Judith Viorst's Rosie and Michael describes a relationship from the inside out. Both Rosie and Michael have been good friends for a long time. In this book they both have equal time to describe their likes and dislikes and the ups and downs of their relationship. Ages 4-8. (Atheneum$13.95, $3.95)
Life without a friend can be lonely. Annie of Jan Brett's Annie and the Wild Animals is very lonely when her cat, Taffy, disappears. Annie tries to discover another friend among the wild animals. At the end, Taffy re-appears with a new litter of kittens and Annie knows she won't be lonely anymore. This story functions at two levels. Each page is filled with detailed boarders that show what Taffy's doing pleasing an older listener who can find the story within the story. Younger listeners will enjoy the larger illustrations with their Black Forest costuming and settings. Ages 2-5. (Houghton Mifflin, $12.95, $3.95)
Don Freeman's Corduroy is a little bear who is missing something. He thinks it might be a button, or a home, and finally learns through the nurturing heroine Lisa that what he really needs to complete himself is a friend. Don Freeman's illustration and story is twenty years old now, but it will forever continue to touch the young child for as long as it is in print. The hugging scene creates one of the warmest endings of all children's books. It quickly became a ritual that we followed suit whenever we read the book. I also have to thank Corduroy for preparing my son for the excitement rather than fear of elevators. Corduroy fans also love A Pocket for Corduroy . Ages 3-6. (Viking,$9.95, $3.95)
In Amigo, by Byrd Baylor, Francisco desperately wants a dog and despite his family's jolly laughter, he decides he will tame a prairie dog. At the same time, the prairie dog, Amigo, has decided he wants to tame a boy. The two court each other and nurture the new relationship until both find comfort and peace in the preciousness of being comfortable with each other. Ages 4-8. (Macmillan, $4.95)
Lonesome John in Sid Fleischman's The Scarebird is a farmer who lives far out in the country and is, as his name implies, lonesome. To relieve his situation, he forms a friendship with his scarecrow, giving the scarebird clothes and humanness. When a lad named Sam appears looking for work, John gradually takes clothes and attachment from his scarebird to create a more alive and responsive relationship. Illustrations by Peter Sis add to the emotional quality of the story. Ages 4-8. (Greenwillow, $11.95)
Friendship many times means learning to care for someone; taking responsibilities for their needs and wants. In Laura Numeroff's If You Give a Mouse a Cookie, a small boy is caretaker for a demanding little mouse. This is a book appreciated by all ages. A two year-old loves the rhyme and rhythm, a four year old prizes the tiny world Felicia Bond creates through her illustrations, a six year old delights in the circular event-sequencing and parents who have "little mice" of their own treasure a book that shows a parent's role expressed for children. (Harper and Row,$9.95, Scholastic, $2.50)
The Friendly Fox by Jenny Koralek and Beverley Gooding tells the story of a vegetarian fox who loves to play with chickens. When the farmer and his wife begin to plan roast chicken dinners, the fox carries them to a far away land where all animals are friends. The fox's caring goes beyond the limits of known relationships just as it does in the best of human intimacies. Ages 4-8. (Little Brown, $12.95)
Bill and Pete are unusual and devoted animal friends. Bill is a crocodile and Pete, a bird, is his toothbrush... but he is ever so much more. Pete is an intelligent bird of action. He not only helps Bill learn, but rescues him from becoming a suitcase. The story is filled with humor and excitement and even has a bit of nudity that delights young audiences. The sequel, Bill and Pete Go Down the Nile has the same villain and much of the same excitement. Ages 3-6. (Putnam,$12.95, $5.95)
In Harlequin and the Gift of Many Colors , Remy Charlip and Burton Supree tell the story behind the fourteenth century Comedia dell' arte character. Harlequin is a poor boy adored by friends for his spirit and creativity. When his friends realize that Harlequin has no money for a costume, they give him scraps of their own and then sorrow in the ridiculousness of all the worthless bits of material. Harlequin's devoted mother spends all night putting the patches together for a costume. And he has at the end the best costume of all, for he is "clothed in the love of his friends." It is difficult to read this tender story without a lump in one's throat. The soft pastels punctuate the empathy and pathos in the story. Ages 4- adult. (Out of print but available at most libraries)
Beginning a new relationship can be scary. Children and adults alike look to becoming different to please a new friend. That's exactly what Mr. Pig does in Keiko Kasza's The Pigs Picnic. Mr. Pig, off to ask Miss Pig to picnic, borrows pieces of different animal's beauty to impress his new friend. He borrows zebra's stripes, the lion's mane, the fox's tail and then calls on Miss Pig. She is horrified by the monster she sees before her and calls out in desperation for Mr. Pig. And so the Mr. Pig learns that she cares for what is on his inside and his true appearance is the one that pleases. Ages 3-6. (Putnam, $13.95) Keiko Kasza's Wolf's Chicken Stew also has a friendship theme with a main character who knows himself better by the end. The wolf begins the story by befriending a family of chickens, baking goodies to fatten them up. He expects the family to end in his stomach and is pleasantly surprised to end in warm relationship. Ages 3-6. (Putnam, $13.95)
Sometimes it's hard to become a friend. The protagonist, Bear, in George Shannon's Lizard's Song, is the kind who takes what he wants. When he hears Lizard's song, he takes it and when he can not retain it, he takes lizard. Not until he creates his own song, can he remember it and sing and dance joyfully with his friend. The songs are great fun and enliven a wonderfully illustrative story. Ages 3-6. (Greenwillow,$12.88)
Sometimes it's difficult to begin a relationship. Often new friends seem unattainable or too good when you don't know them. Leah Komaiko perfectly captures this dilemma in Earl's Too Cool for Me. Earl takes rides on the Milky Way, catches wild boars in a buffalo net and is even friendly with Martians and a few movie stars. The book builds to a feverish pitch of fear that the protagonist is not cool. Finally, the main character confronts his hero, is greeted in a friendly manner, finds that Earl's "a regular guy", and they become cool friends. Ages 4-8. (Harper and Row, $12.95)
Sometimes difficulties in friendship come just from growing up. Such is the case for Ira in Bernard Waber's Ira Sleeps Over. (Houghton Mifflin, $13.95, $4.95) Ira, slated to spend the night for the first time at his best-friend Reggie's house, balks when he thinks about sleeping without his teddy bear. Waber's characterizations and outcomes are wonderfully established through dialogue. This book is a must-read on the occasion of a first overnight. Ages 4-8. Those who have giggled through a Jim Trelease reading of the story will be pleased to know that Mr. Trelease has recorded a tape to accompany the book.(Houghton Mifflin, $6.95)
The friendship between Reggie and Ira is tried and proved once again in the companion book, Ira Says Goodbye when Reggie moves away. Ages 6-8. (Houghton Mifflin, $13.95)
Quibbling and ups and downs seem to be a given in children's relationships. The Hoban's famous badger Frances has a very difficult time of friendship in A Bargain for Frances . She becomes friends with conniving Thelma who deviously achieves ownership of Frances' treasured tea set. Fortunately, the ever-witty Frances is able to reclaim her belonging and teach Thelma that being friends is more fun than being careful. Ages 3-6. (Harper and Row,$9.95, $3.50)
The Hating Book by Charotte Zolotow is a great example of how misunderstanding can build and build until it threatens to undermine rapport. The cadences of this book seem a direct and appropriate contrast to the discordance of the relationship presented in the story. The word and concept of hate is difficult for parents, but it is a word that flows easily off a child's tongue and I for one am grateful to this book for providing a vehicle for discussion. Ages 3-7. (Harper and Row,$10.95, $3.95)
Sharing, a difficult friendship issue, is treated humorously by Pat Hutchins in The Doorbell Rang . It begins with Ma serving a plate of cookies to Victoria and Sam and then the doorbell rings. It rings continually, each time there are more children and consequently less cookies per person until Grandma arrives in the end with reinforcements. Colorful illustrations are racially balanced and the repetitions and choruses make this a good book for participation. Ages 3-6. (Greenwillow,$12.95, Scholastic, $2.50)
Chester's Way by Kevin Henkes begins by describing a tightly-knit relationship between Chester and his friend, Wilson. They do everything together and as close to the same way as possible. Life is blissful until Lily, a creative and unusual female moves into the neighborhood. The ending illustrates the positive effects of stretching a relationship; opening and sharing it with others. Henkes' illustrations are clever and humorous and he has created yet another strong female character in Lily. Ages 4-7. (Greenwillow, $12.95)
One of the most difficult issues I've ever read about in a children's book appears in Paul and Sebastian by Rene Escudie and Ulises Wensell. This is the stories of two boys from differing background whose mother's are judgmental, prejudiced and won't let the boys have a relationship with each other. Circumstances change minds and rapports to produce a happy ending. This is one of those rare books in which it is the parents who are wrong and get an opportunity to grow. Ages 4-8. (Kane Miller, $10.95)
Some of the most-loved tales for children involve friends who you would never imagine being close. Albert Lamorisse's The Red Balloon (Doubleday, $13.95, 5.95) tells the story of undying friendship between Pascal and his "pet" balloon. Virginia Lee Burton's Mike Mulligan (Houghton Mifflin, $12.95, $3.95) could not have succeeded or endured over fifty years without his steam shovel, Mary Anne. Dare Wright's Lonely Doll (Doubleday, $12.95, Doubleday and Scholastic, $2.95) would have remained lonesome without the stuffed bears who become a family to her.
In Theodor and Mr. Balbini, by Petra Mathers, Mr. Balbinin thinks his dog, Theodor, is his best friend. One day Theodor begins to speak and voice all his dissatisfactions. There is however a happy ending as Madame Poulet, Theodor's French teacher, swaps her non-verbal poodle Josephine. The humor and situations are outrageously subtle and surround many friendship issues that are great discussion points. Mathers' illustrations accent the absurdity with a clean graphic style edged with whimsy. Ages 3-7. (Harper and Row, $11.95)
Barbara Berger's When the Sun Rose is a companion book to her Grandfather Twilight. (Philomel, $13.95. $4.95) In it, the sun rise is personified as a rose-bejeweled little girl who comes in a chariot drawn by a lion to spend a day with another little girl. They spend a day doing all the things that little girls enjoy best--having tea parties, trading doll clothes, etc. This is not to say that this is strictly a "girl's book" but they may enjoy it more. Illustrations are luminous, warm, and cozy. Ages 3-6. (Philomel, $13.95)
Sometimes friends are unusual. Kevin Henkes creates an very real invisible friend in his Jessica. Ruthie has no siblings, or pets and so the invisible Jessica is the next best thing. They do everything together, even though her parents keep denying Jessica's existence. When Ruthie goes to her first day of school, she meets a new and visible friend and guess what her name is? Jessica, of course. Ages 4-8. (Greenwillow, $11.95)
The most unusual friend I've ever read about is May's friend in I Want A Dog by Dayal Kaur Khalsa. Protagonist May is a strong individualist and seems most dynamic in this title. She desperately wants a dog. When her parents try to counter her desires with the responsibilities of nurturing and caring, they name the exact reasons why May wants a dog. May's most poignant wish is to feel a dog on the other end of a leash. When absolutely everything she's tried has failed, May finds a solution. She begins to walk her roller skate on a leash! And she finds such joy in caring for her roller skate, that not only do her parents reward her with a dog, but every child in the neighborhood wants to pull a skate as well! (Clarkson N. Potter, $10.95)
Why not use books to prepare children for rejection? It's something all people experience and human beings of every age have a hard time with. The most well-know book about rejection has to be Margery Williams' Velveteen Rabbit. There are quite a few nice versions. Some of my favorites are by Hague (Holt, $11.95), Atkinson (Knopf, $10.95), Ilse Plume (Harcourt, Brace, Jovanovich,$10.95) and by illustrator David Jorgensen with accompanying tape by Meryl Streep (Knopf, $13.95) There is only one drawback of this book. It is long and a bit complex and thus needs an older audience many times. Though I know many Moms who loved this as children and read it early on.
And yet there is an answer, Peabody by Rosemary Wells incorporates the same theme. . . that inexplicable rejection of being once loved and then feeling unloved. Peabody is a gift bunny who's replaced by a Rita, a talking doll. Peabody's expressions are ever so expressive, the art warm and the verse poetic and melodic. (Dial,$11.89, $3.95)
One of the first rejections many children experience is not being invited to a birthday party. This happens to Lizzie in Lizzie's Invitation
by Holly Keller. Holly Keller seems to know the issues of childhood well and she expresses them in a way that her the young audience can accept and relate to. Lizzie's reactions to her rejection are perfect and the ending feasible and pleasing. The illustrations are warm as text. Ages 3-6. (Greenwillow, $11.75)
There many great books about friends moving. Annie Bananie works well for a young audience. My daughter wanted it nightly for ages because of it's rhyme and rhythm. Leah Komaiko's verbal images are as great at Laura Cornell's visual images. It's the same great team who brought Earl's too Cool to life. The characters are both unusual and real. Annie is a great female protagonist. (Harper and Row, $11.95, $3.95)
Sometimes one has to say a forever good-bye. I'd recommend I'll Always Love You for every age without reservation. It's got two wonderful messages. On one level it's a love story of boy and dog who grow together and how the boy has to say good-bye when the dog dies. The boy finds great comfort in the fact that he has told his dog that he loves him every day of the dog's life. And this secondary message seems to apply not only to dogs or to an occasion of death, but to every relationship and in every situation. Ages 4-8. (Crown, $10.95, $3.95)
Tigger is the main character of Tigger and Friends by Dennis Hamley. He is a Burmese cat who has a hard time making friends with a second cat, Thomas. They weather the difficulty of newness and fights and later accidents and years. One day , Thomas is missing and Tigger is a lonely only, until Claudia arrives on the scene. Tigger again has difficulty with acceptance, but is somehow able to generalize and make friends once again. The feline characters are very round in this story and there is a lot of information to digest and dialogue about. Pre-read this before you share it with your children. Ages 5-8. (Lothrop, $12.95)
One of the saddest books I've ever read about friendship is Goodbye Rune by Marit Kaldhol, but I am so glad this book exists, for the situation certainly does! Sara and Rune have been dearest friends since they can remember. Though they're quite young they imagine marrying when they grow up. One day, when they're at play near a lake, Rune drowns. There follows a steady stream of realistic questions from Sara as she attends the funeral service, burial, and finally Sara begins to heal a bit. This is an incredibly intense book, as well you can imagine from the subject. It's all handled with great sensitivity and warmth. The watercolor illustrations are a special soft extension of the story. Again, I would pre-read this book before sharing it with children. Ages 5-8. (Kane Miller, $12.95)
Maintaining healthy relationships is one of the most difficult challenges of living. Thank goodness there are books that give children models, field potential issues and pose solutions.