Death is one of the hardest subjects to discuss with children. Sometimes it's just as difficult talking about the feelings after a death has occurred. Of late, I've noticed a number of new releases which have much to offer grieving families.
One of the first deaths many children encounter is the death of an animal. A little girl remembers her beloved cat in Maggie Smith's Desser the Best Cat Ever (Knopf, $14.95; ages 4-6). The majority of the book describes the small details a young child would notice as she grows up with a cat. These are reflected in the many brightly-colored illustrations. There's a sharp contrast when Desser sickens. Then, sad emotions in text and pictures recount Desser's sickness, death, and burial. When the book ends, the girl still carries Desser in her heart and tells his stories and pictures with a new kitten.
A grandparent's death is likely to be the next hurt children suffer. Malika Doray's One More Wednesday (Greenwillow, $15.95; ages 4-6) works well for young children because of the few words and simple black and white pictures . The main character is a bunny child who spends every Wednesday with Granny. Their adventures are rooted in sensory experiences; they bake and eat, sing, and "at the end of the day, waiting for Papa, I would fall asleep in Granny's lap." When Granny dies, the child asks her mother if Granny is gone forever. "That's not easy to answer," her mother tells her. After simple explanations of heaven, reincarnation and the unknown, the mother comes up with a poignant reassuring comment, "Before you were even born, in some ways you were already here because we wanted you so much./ And it's the same with Granny now." This brings comfort to the child and soon her remembering is filled with soothing thoughts of her Granny's singing and warm lap.
Max Haynes' Grandma's Gone to Live in the Stars (Whitman, $15.95; ages 4-8)has a fascinating perspective. It is written from the point of view of a grandmother who grieves and celebrates as she dies. The book begins, "I was so sick. So l sick that I died. Now I feel...wonderful. And now it's time to say goodbye." The remainder of the book has minimal words, just goodbyes as she leaves family members, animals, and favorite places. The illustrations show her colored clothing fading to pastel and then, in the last illustration, she is more white-toned than pastel as she soars above the earth and waves, "Goodbye, Earth." On a twilight blue page illustrated with a night sky, she is not pictured, there are only the words, Hello, Stars." The final illustration shows her family gazing up at the star which represents her. The few words leave lots of room for interpretations and discussions.
Grieving and healing are the concentrations of Deborah Hopkinson's Bluebird Summer (Greenwillow, $15.95; ages 6 and up). The viewpoint character is Mags, a tender child who sees and senses changes in her world; these are skillfully rendered with Hopkinson's strong imagery. Mags and her younger brother, Cody, visit her grandfather soon after their grandmother's death. Mags misses the sight of her grandmother rolling "piecrust as smooth as an eggshell", or "perched on a stool beside the tub" reading stories "until our fingers pruned up". Her tended garden, once "a maze of marigolds, bluebells, sunflowers" is " now just a tangle of thistle and grass" and the many bluebirds who visited are gone. Hopkinson not only lets us enter the minds and hearts of this hurting family, she sets up a metaphor for healing. Mags remembers that it was her grandmother's garden that brought the bluebirds and she begins to "putter". Her grandfather and Cody pitch in to reclaim the garden, but Cody is more nuisance than help. When Cody goes missing, Mags and her grandfather discover him miles away at a store where he's found a bluebird house. Right there in the store, the three experience "one of those moments that gather everything into it"...the bluebird, the garden, love for their grandmother and the laughter and joy that brings back memories of her. Bethanne Andersen's illustrations are soft and bright as if to accompany the sad tones that are only cloaking the brilliance of the memories this family has to share.
Two new tapes for older children deal with the sorrows that follow a sibling's death. Barbara Park's Mick Harte Was Here (Listening Library, 2 cassettes, unabridged, $18.00; ages 7-10) is told by Phoebe Hart, Mick's sister. When twelve year Mick is killed in a bike accident, Phoebe feels guilty about their last fight, misses him tremendously, and rejects her parents attempts to pretend he never existed. With a mix of heart wrenches and humor, Dana Lubotsky reads Phoebe's first person narrative and perfectly captures the voice of the thirteen year old girl, her love for her brother, and the difficulty of grieving his loss.
There's a tension right at the beginning of Audrey Couloumbis, Getting Near to Baby (Listening Library, 2 cassettes, unabridged, $22.00; ages 8 and up) On the surface two nieces can't communicate with their appearance-oriented Aunt Patty. Little Sister doesn't speak at all and Willa Jo can't make herself understood. The underlying problem is the death of their infant sister and the separation from their mother caused by this forceful aunt. The story is sometimes funny, sometimes heartbreaking; all is told with strong images that relate the small events which have large feelings behind them. Mischa Barton's soft reading seems an appropriate interpretation of how the girls struggle quietly with their grief. The Raleigh setting and Southern voice emphasized by the reader lend a gentleness to this story of healing.
Laura Dower provides hands-on healing in I Will Remember You: A Guidebook Through Grief for Teens (Scholastic, $10.95; ages 11 and up).Writing suggestions, visualizations, words of comfort and explanation, the poetry and prose of other teens, and survival skills make this an invaluable resource for grieving teens and the adults helping them.