Families change and issues alter. The only certainty is that all families face transitions and every child has them. This finds perfect expression in Wadell's Once There Were Giants (Delacorte, 1989) a playful, rhythmic look at one child's citing of transitions from birth to her own birthing. Ages 3- adult.
Family changes are the bumps and potholes in life's road. Some you miss, some you drive carefully around and others you cautiously jostle through. Books and conversations compliment each other beautifully to smooth your thoroughfares. Here follows reviews of children's books that cover four of life's major transitions- adoption, divorce, moving and sexuality.
As soon as parents sight transitions, they should begin to discuss them. There are some situations that come with a child. If a children are adopted, for instance, you can tell them their story long before they are ready for the story of another. Many adoptive parents create a book for their children from photographs that record important moments. Every adoption story is different and parents should feel the freedom to expand or subtract from the books they read.
The best first books about adoption are simple. Susan Lapsley's I am Adopted is a very simple story that answers a lot of questions and offers a first presentation of the facts. (Bodley Head, 1983) Ages 2-3.
Sesame Street did adoptive families a great service when Miles was adopted by Susan and Gordon. Susan and Gordon Adopt a Baby gives book form to the familiar characters. This is also a wonderful sibling book. ( Random, 1986) Ages 2-5.
Katie-Bo by Iris L. Fisher is a child's view of the adoption of his Korean sister. It is full of family vitality, emotions, facts, and rings very true. Collage illustrations seem a perfect accompaniment to the boy's story. (Adama Books, 1987) Ages 3-8.
The children of foreign adoption is the theme of Harriet Langsam Sobol's We Don't Look Like Our Mom and Dad. Photographer Patricia Agre lets us see the ins and outs of the family. Times of joy, conflicts, questioning, anger and how the adoptive family blends the cultures in the family they create. (Coward-McCann, Inc., 1984) Ages 5-10.
Divorce is difficult on the entire family. It may be that books help distance the experience for both parent and child, though often children who are in the midst of this transition may have a difficult time with the literature at first. Again, reassurance through talking seems to be the primary way to begin the healing process.
Kathy Stinson's Mom and Dad Don't Live Together Anymore is an excellent book-place to start. The situation is simply revealed, facts are honest and in a young child's perspective and the continual presence of loving relationships supports a child undergoing this type of transition. (Annick Press, 1984) Ages 2-4.
C.B. Christiansen's My Mother's House, My Father's House is written from the viewpoint of a small girl from a divorced family who spends part of the week with each of her parents. She describes the differences of homes and imagines her grown-up home that will be a blend of both homes, "without suitcases". Both environments are warm and loving and both parents care deeply for the child, and yet she still feels the disparity. An honest and sensitive look at this situation from a child's point of view. The illustrations provide a warm setting for the emotional tones of the story. Ages 4-8. (Atheneum, 1989)
My favorite book to help a divorcing family is Laurene and Marc Brown's Dinosaurs Divorce. The book, written from the authors' own experience, is a superb handbook that takes into account interviews with children from all over the country. Brown's illustrations and dinosaur characters lighten the tension by surrounding the well-discussed emotional issues with a humorous presentation. This is a highly empowering book for a child and clearly defines limits, guidelines and expectations. Ages four and up. Available in hardcover only (Atlantic Monthly Press, $13.95)
For a very young child, the book with the title that says it all is Heather McKend's Moving Gives Me a Stomach Ache. If we didn't get it from the title we know from page one, when the boy wakes on a rainy moving day imagining that his house is crying, that he's having a hard time of it. The details of moving are introduced with appropriate images that are meaningful to a young listener. The ending shows the protagonist and the reader a light at the end of the tunnel. (Black Moss Press, 1988) Ages 2-6.
Moving means leaving old friends behind. Leah Komaiko's Annie Bananie is filled with the warmth of friendship, the playfulness of childhood relationships, the hurt of being left behind and the acknowledgement that good friends part. All this is woven together with rhyme and rhythm and humorously illustrated by Laura Cornell.
On the other side of moving is making new friends. Molly discovers this remedy in A Home by Nola Langner Malone. Until meeting Miranda Marie she is miserable in her new house. This friendship means not only fun, adventure, imagining and ups and downs, but the secret of turning a new house into a home. (Macmillan, 1988) Ages 3-5.
The issue of S-E-X will probably rear it's head earlier than you expect when your child wonders where babies come from. I remember my son laughing hysterically when I first told him how this was accomplished. Sexual awareness seems to come in stages and explanations deepen with age. You may want to edit books based on your child's comfort zones.
Where Do Babies Come From by Margaret Sheffield explains growing up, sexual intercourse and how a baby grows with simplicity and honesty. Soft illustrations by Sheila Bewley accomany. (Knopf, 1983) Ages 3-6. Their companion book, Life Blood: A New Image for Menstruation uses the same straight-forward approach and lovely images to help with understanding. Again illustrations are gentle and strongly feminine. Ages 7-10. (Knopf, 1989)
A Kid's First Book About Sex by Joani Blank is the youngest book I've read for children about developing sexuality. Ms. Blank does not fool around. One of my complaints in my own sexual education (I think most everyone has some complaint) was that sex and baby-making were not differentiate. Joani Blank explains sexuality in and of itself. With simple, direct text, the book asks kids how they feel about their bodies and their sexual feelings and then offers explanations and guidelines to comfort. Depending on your child's age, you may want to edit some parts. For example, I did not share the bit about homosexuality and bisexuality with my seven year old. The bits about masturbation are particularly well-handled. Ages 7-12. (Yes Press, 1983)
A Very Touching Book by Jan Hindman discussed sexual abuse, or "bad touching" in the context of good touching. Many images and examples are given and the tone is a mixture of serious information lightened with humor. Illustrations by Tom Novak are are a perfect accompaniment to text. Ages 5-10. (McClure-Hindman Assoc. ,1985)
Several authors are committed to making transitions easier for families and you can see the results of their work in a number of very helpful books.
Sara Bonnet Stein has written The Open Family Series out of her lifelong commitment to child psychology. Her books are two-fold. In large black print is a story for reading aloud, in smaller print is further explanation for parents, both face clear black and white illustrations. Ms. Stein writes on such subjects as adoption, hospitalization, adoption, and others. (Walker and Company) Ages 3- adult.
Mr. Rogers' commitment to family is obvious. He has extended his television work to a series of books he calls First Experience. Text is simple and caring and the full-color photographs give good representations to differing moods and racial groups. Some of the topics covered are moving, going to the hospital, toilet training, and new babies. Each book begins with a special pep talk to parents that is helpful for comfort as well as suggestions for presentations. (Putnam) Ages 3-6.
For older readers, Jill Krementz has produced wonderful photojournals of young adults (generally from 8-16) who talk candidl, bravely, honestly about their emotions. Subjects are children with serious illness, children on divorce, children on adoption.